Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
