By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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