So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
