i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
