Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
