don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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