Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
