there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
