Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
