I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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