I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
