Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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