I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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