I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize