Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
