ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
