dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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