I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
