nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You are the jesus of drinking
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
