C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
