That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
