i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
