Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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