I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Pants are for mortals
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
