i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
