Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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