DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
