he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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