How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
