i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
