Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
A+ Viking dick
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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