i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
