This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
