she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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