I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
