So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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