I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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