pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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