I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
