Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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