Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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