I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
