I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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