their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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