Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
