Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
