Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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