i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
