some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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