I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
