Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
