I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My bed smells like the plague
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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