I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
