look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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