is your mom at the bar?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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