i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
