hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
