College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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