mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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