no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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