So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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