ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
