I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize