My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
