yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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