and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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