I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize