dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
