ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
