Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
