so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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