I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Randomize