Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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