Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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