That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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