I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
my liver is dry heaving
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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