currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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