There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
whose ass print is on the piano?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
