I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
